


Bye My First...

by x_thelittleprince_x



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Friends to Lovers, Help, I hope, Light Angst, M/M, Past Friendship, Renjun thinks he hates Jaemin, They'll get their happiness, he doesnt, jk, renjun is confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23756410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_thelittleprince_x/pseuds/x_thelittleprince_x
Summary: Falling in love with his best friend years ago had only resulted in heartbreak and for Renjun, the best thing he could've done at that moment was run away from problems but he can't keep running forever. Eventually, he has no choice but to confront his feelings.“What do you want?” Renjun asked bitterly, looking up into the same dark caramel brown eyes he’d fallen in love with so many years ago. It was like every wound he’d tried to mend was ripped open at once and he couldn’t bear the pain that came with it.“Where...why..” Jaemin struggled, trying to find the right words to say. “Why did you leave? You left me and went back to China...why?” Renjun scoffed at his words. Why did he have to explain himself? He knew damn well why he’d left.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1 - Back in business

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> This is my first story I'm posting of the dreamies but I so excited for their debut/they're staying together as ot7! that I decided to give it a shot. This story won't be super long or anything. Probably only a couple of chapters.
> 
> Background info: Renjun was going to school in Korea (living with a good family friend) so his parents were still back in China. He and Jaemin became friends around thirteenish? Renjun confessed when he was seventeen and left Korea when he was eighteen and graduated high school. Now in the story presently, they are twenty-five (Renjun/the story is taking place around May) and twenty-four (Jaemin) as it been almost seven years. 
> 
> Renjun is still very much in love with Jaemin, he just doesn't know it yet. Ah, poor Lucas. Don't worry ya'll, I'll give him a good ending!

Renjun breathed in the fresh air, the sun shining down on his face, the heat filling him with warmth. It was different from when he was in China but then again, everything about South Korea was different from his homeland. He hadn’t been back here in almost seven years. Life had changed a lot of him and part of his mind wanted to drift back to those painful memories of the past but a tug on his hand pulled him back out.  
“Babe, you ready?” Renjun grinned up at his boyfriend, Lucas. He had been happily dating him for about two years and for Renjun, he couldn’t be more grateful. Lucas was there for him since the beginning when he’d gone back to China all those years ago. Before their relationship, they’d been friends for much longer.  
“Yeah, let's go.” Renjun headed towards the cab with his luggage. They’d only be in the country for around a month or so, mainly so Renjun could do some work. He was a graphic designer and some companies were looking to work with him on some deals and no matter how much being back in South Korea hurt him, he couldn’t pass up some of the once in a lifetime deals. He’d brought Lucas for some support but he felt bad since his boyfriend didn’t have much knowledge in Korean. He could hold a conversation for a bit but it wasn’t too much so mainly when conversing they spoke in their native language for comfort sake.  
The taxi ride to the apartment they were renting for the month was long. Too long and Renjun couldn't help all the emotions that flowed back to him as he saw familiar scenery.  
“You okay? I know it's difficult being back here.” Renjun gave Lucas a small smile but he knew that Lucas could see through it.  
“I'll be okay.” As long as he didn’t see anything that reminded him of him.

The apartment they were renting was quite big. Big open windows, almost like a penthouse and was already furnished for them with the basic necessities. Renjun wasn’t usually a fan of flashy things but Lucas had practically fallen in love with the spot so he ended up choosing it.  
“The jet lag is settling in.” Lucas groaned, throwing himself onto the couch. Renjun laughed lightly, checking the kitchen and remembering that he needed to buy groceries or something. Take out was fine for the first day or so but not for an entire month.  
“We should buy some groceries tomorrow. What time does your training end?” He called out, hoping his voice would carry out to the living room. Lucas instructed fitness training for a living, he had managed to actually find a place in the area that was letting him teach for the time being which was incredibly lucky. They had enough money to live comfortably so that wasn't the problem but Lucas loved what he did and it made him feel better about himself so it was great that he could find a temporary job.  
“Around fourish?” Lucas called back as Renjun made his way back to the living room.  
“Okay, we can go buy some groceries around six? This way you can relax for a bit?” Renjun leaned over the back half of the couch and pressed a small peck onto Lucas’s cheek who grinned up at him.  
“Sounds good.” Renjun was about to lean back in to kiss him more when he heard the familiar sound of his cell phone ringing. He groaned but answered it anyway, not bothering to check the caller ID, it was a bad habit of his.  
“Hello?”  
“Renjun Hyung! Did you guys get there safely?” A smile came across Renjun’s lips at the sound of his friend Chenle.  
“Hyung? Back to calling me that?” He found it endearing but it was also weird because he hadn’t heard anyone call him that in a long time.  
“Yeah! I mean you’re back in Korea now so I hope you don’t mind-” Chenle mildly panicked hoping he hadn’t upset the other.  
“Of course not, lele. And yes, we did get to the apartment safely. Thank you for checking up on us. It's been a while since I've seen you. “  
“It's been about a year. I can't wait to hang out with you again!” Chenle was Renjuns close friend who was also from China but they’d actually met here in South Korea many years ago before he left. They still kept in contact with each other even after Renjun left and Chenle stayed. They tried to see one another whenever possible between their schedules but it was hard sometimes because Chenle had started working for a modeling company a few years ago so he was often busy but never too busy to make time to call or text him. One of his few friendships he kept after leaving.  
“Speaking of, I’m gonna hit up a club with some friends to celebrate an ad I did recently, you wanna come? You can bring Lucas too!” Renjun had missed his excitable friend dearly and always had a soft spot for him.  
“Sure, when are you going?” He asked.  
“This Saturday! Around eight. Drinks are on me hyung!”  
“We’ll be there. I’ll see you then.” They hung up and Renjun turned to Lucas.  
“I guess we’re clubbing on Saturday.”


	2. Chapter 2 - A chance meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun runs into an old friend but things don't go quite as he expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can ya'll tell I have a soft spot for Chenle haha. Also Henry Lao makes a random appearance because why not.

Saturday had come much sooner than Renjun was expecting. He and Lucas had gotten settled in their apartment and for once, everything was going according to plan. Renjun wasn’t much of a party-goer, in fact, Lucas was the one who enjoyed going out and having fun. That was the best part of their dynamic. They were so different in so many ways that it often worked out so well. Lucas helped Renjun get out of his comfort zone often while he introduced relaxing activities like reading and drawing to Lucas.  
“Wow, you look hot.” Lucas drawled, his eyes trailing up the length of Renjun's body. Renjun couldn't help the blush that lit up his face at how open his boyfriend was being. He could never quite get used to that.  
“Ah, do I?” He asked, checking himself in the mirror. He didn’t know whether he should change or not but he was trying his best to look nice for the night with what he had packed so he went with a pair of tight leather pants that accentuated his hips and butt and a white button-up that was unbuttoned to expose his collarbones. He pushed up the sleeves, fixing his arrow pendant necklace that drew attention to his neck.  
“Hell yeah, I'm gonna have to fight off the guys tonight.” Renjun giggled at his boyfriend's response, going up to him and wrapping his arms around his neck to give him a kiss.  
“I only have eyes for you.” They stared into each other's eyes for a moment just smiling before breaking apart to head out.  
“Got everything? Phone, wallet-”  
“Chenle’s paying so we can leave it.” Renjun reminded Lucas who nodded, patting his pockets.  
“Okay, I think we’re good. I’ll grab the Uber.”  
Renjun was surprised at how close the club was to their apartment, only around ten minutes by car.  
“Hey, we’re arriving now. Where are you at?” He asked over the phone to Chenle.  
“Awesome! I’ll come by and grab you. Wait by the front of the line.”  
“Are you sure? I don't wanna cut anyone.” Renjun worried while Chenle laughed to himself.  
“Hyung, you’re too nice. Those people won't get in any slower or faster anyway. It's more of a celebrity club so they’re very careful with who they let in.” He explained. Celebrity club? He’d never been to one of those before.  
“Oh, okay. We’re coming now.” He hung up as he and Lucas made their way out the Uber and walked up towards the front of the line. The bouncer eyed them as they approached.  
“You need something?” The man asked, quickly on the defense. Renjun felt a little nervous as he spoke, clutching onto Lucas’s hand. He felt safer with Lucas by his side mainly because his size was enough to deter most people from bothering them.  
“We’re meeting a friend. He’s coming out now.” Renjun explained, hoping the guy wouldn’t give them trouble.  
“Henry, It’s okay. They’re with me.” Chenle emerged from the two big doors speaking suddenly in English. Renjun found it impressive the guard was well versed in Korean and English. Henry nodded and pointed for them to go ahead inside. Renjun quickly crushed Chenle in a hug as they walked inside, the music almost deafening him with how loud it was.  
“I missed you!” Renjun shouted close to Chenle’s ear.  
“Me too! I can’t wait to introduce you to my friends.” Chenle yelled back. “Hi, Lucas!” He added seeing the man trailing close to them. Lucas ruffled Chenle’s soft brown hair.  
“Hey, little man!” Chenle pouted at his words.  
“I'm not even that little though.” He said, shaking off Lucas’s hand while laughing. They headed over a large section of the club that was behind a velvet rope guarded by two security personnel. Renjun assumed this was strictly for those of importance. Chenle let them over to a table that had a few people already sitting down.  
“Hey! These are my long time friends, Renjun and Lucas. Guys, this is Jisung, Yangyang, Mark, Haechan.” Renjun didn’t even know them but he could tell they were celebrities just from laying his eyes on them. They had this aura about them and they were all very beautiful. Everyone greeted one another, taking their seats. It turned out that everyone got along better than expected and he could see how much joy that brought Chenle. He never saw the boy so happy and in turn, it warmed Renjun’s heart. Mark and Lucas had hit it off really well and seemed to be fast on their way to being good friends while Renjun was hitting it off well with Haechan.  
“So you’re only here for business then?” Haechan asked. Half of the table was up and dancing, drinking and just having a good time.  
“Yeah. Around a month or so, then I’m heading back to China with Lucas.” Renjun said, gazing over at where Lucas was dancing with the others. Well, if you could call that dancing. It was cute, really. He was goofing off, even trying to twerk.  
“You must really love him.” Haechan said softly, so soft he almost missed it over the music. Renjun looked down, fiddling with his hands with a small smile.  
“Yeah, he’s been there for me through a lot of things. I’m so grateful for him.”  
“I get you. Mark was there for me when I was having a really low period in my career. He just gets me.” Haechan supplied, waving at his boyfriend who was trying to get his attention. Renjun could understand that. He and Lucas complement each other well, it was like they just knew what the other was thinking most of the time. Him and Haechan sat in silence for a minute until Renjuns bladder decided to pester him.  
“Hey, where’s the bathroom?” He asked, starting to slide out the booth. He looked to where Haechan pointed him and yelled out a quick thanks, heading towards the direction.  
On his way back from the bathroom, he was checking the time on his phone when he knocked into a large body causing him to drop it.  
“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” Renjun apologized immediately, dropping to pick up his phone but a hand flashed out and took it before he could. Renjun stood back up in confusion before he literally felt his world crashing down. No way. This could not be happening. Standing there in flesh and bone was Na Jaemin. His ex-best friend. The one who drove him to leave South Korea and go back home. The one he hadn’t seen in almost seven years. Every memory and emotion came rushing back to him. He could feel tears collecting at the corners of his eyes.  
“Renjun ah?” Jaemin looked so shocked that he took a step backward. Renjun sucked in a shaky breath before snatching his phone and stepping around him. He just wanted to be anywhere that didn’t include Jaemin. “Wait! Renjun!” He hurried down the long hallway ignoring the voice calling after him. He was almost home free until a hand wrapped around his upper arm, halting him.  
“Let me go!” He yelled, smacking the nearest body part he could reach.  
“Renjun! Please stop!”  
“No!” Jaemin was trying to get him to calm down but all it was doing was making him get even more worked up.  
“Please, let me talk to you. I haven’t seen you in so long.” Jaemin manhandled Renjun against the wall, pinning his arms to his sides but that didn’t stop him from trying to kick his way out.  
“Leave me alone. I hate you.” A look of pain flashed across Jaemin's face. Tears started freely falling down Renjuns flushed cheeks and he was grateful no one else had walked through the hallway because this scene would have been ten times more humiliating. Yet, Jaemin didn’t let him go and eventually, Renjun stopped moving, instead, giving up and squeezing his eyes shut.  
“Renjun…” He hated how broken Jaemin sounded as he spoke. He hated how his heart leaped at his voice. He hated him.  
“What do you want?” Renjun asked bitterly, looking up into the same dark caramel brown eyes he’d fallen in love with so many years ago. It was like every wound he’d tried to mend was ripped open at once and he couldn’t bear the pain that came with it.  
“Where...why..” Jaemin struggled to try to find the right words to say. “Why did you leave? You left me and went back to China...why?” Renjun scoffed at his words. Why did he have to explain himself? He knew damn well why he’d left.  
“You wanna know? You really wanna know?” Renjun asked, his blood boiling as he saw Jaemins expectant look. “I loved you. I told you how I felt and you told me that you couldn’t date because of your career. And I understood that, because you had dreamed for so long to be an idol and that dream was finally coming true. So I swallowed my feelings and stood by you as your best friend but then you decided that you didn’t need me anymore. The bigger your career got, the less and less I saw you. You didn’t bother to text, call or even give me an explanation. You abandoned me and I refused to sit there and be forgotten about so I left. I left to restart my own life. One without you.” Renjun was out of breath after unleashing his feelings. He’d held it all in for so many years and now he was finally able to release it. Jaemin let go of Renjun and stepped back, his face sullen and conflicted.  
“Renjun..I’m so sorry...the reason I distanced myself was that I did love you back. It hurt me so badly to turn you down. To see you cry.” Jaemin lifted a hand as if to wipe a stray tear from Renjuns cheek before he decided against it and put his hand back down. “ I knew to have a relationship with you wasn’t possible because of the company. So I tried to spend less time with you so that I could get over my feelings but then, you left and I had no way of getting in touch with you.” Renjun didn't know what to think of Jaemins' words. He had actually loved him back all those years ago? Why hadn’t he just told him? Why did he selfishly try to distance himself from him?  
“Jaemin-” Renjuns phone rang loudly, startling him from whatever he was going to say. “Hello?” He asked, answering.  
“Babe, where are you.” Lucas’s voice was muffled over the loud music in the background and it was like life resumed. Like he remembered that his life was different now and there was no Jaemin anymore.  
“Hey, baby. I just went to get some air. I’ll be back in a few, okay?”  
“Hurry back, I miss you,” Lucas whined cutely, making Renjun smile a bit.  
“I miss you too. I’ll be back before you know it.” As they hung up, Renjun glanced over at Jaemin, seeing the wheels practically turning in his head.  
“You have a boyfriend?” Jaemin asked. Renjun grasped the phone tightly with both hands, swallowing. Why did he feel nervous? He didn’t owe anything to Jaemin. He was the one who distanced himself first so why did it take everything in Renjun to not lie.  
“Yes.” He replied, watching Jaemin as he furrowed his eyebrows. “It's been almost seven years.” He felt the need to remind him but part of Renjun wondered if it was to bring comfort to himself. God, what was wrong with him? He has a loving boyfriend who he loves back. He needs to get out of here. Seeing Jaemin after so long was messing with his mind.  
“No, yeah. I get it. You had to move on. I’m happy for you.” Somehow Renjun wasn’t convinced he really was happy for him though, not at the distraught look on his face.  
“I gotta go..my boyfriend..he's looking for me.” Jaemin nodded and stepped back further until there was a more breathable distance between the two. Renjun started to walk away but stopped after a few steps before speaking. “Nothing changed. You’re you, and I’m me. We have different lives now.” He quickly walked away, not able to bear seeing the hurt on Jaemins face anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the story is starting to progress! You'll find out more about what happened between the two in the next chapter which I'm currently working on~ Renjun has sudden realizations and its gonna make things difficult for him.


	3. Chapter 3 - Reflect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun is going through a crisis. He loves Lucas but maybe he never stopped loving Jaemin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Heres what I've been working on so far. I'm working on chapter 4 now. Let me know what you think in the comments, I'd really appreciate it!

That night, Renjun couldn’t sleep. Lucas was softly breathing beside him. Renjun tried counting the deep even breaths, hoping for his mind to relax so he could finally get some rest but that day just replayed in his mind over and over. It was like he couldn’t wrap his head around what had happened. He hadn’t even wanted to see Jaemin ever again. Jaemin had hurt him so badly all those years ago. Practically ripped his heart out. He thought back to those painful memories reluctantly, wondering how he had missed Jaemin lying right in front of him.

  
_“Renjun? Hey, what are you doing here?” Renjun knew he shouldn't be there. Jaemin had to get up early to train for his debut but Renjun was stubborn and he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night unless he finally confessed._   
_“I uh..I need to tell you something.” Jaemin let Renjun come inside his house._   
_“Is it bad?” Jaemin asked, worriedly. He led Renjun to the couch to sit down. Renjun felt his whole body shaking in nervousness. His heart was pounding and he could barely hear over his harsh breathing._   
_“Guess it depends on how you look at it.” Renjun tried to joke but it came out sounding pained._   
_“Renjun ah, look at me. What's going on?” Jaemin reached out a supportive hand, resting it on Renjuns own smaller hands bunched up on his lap. Renjun opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t tell him. What if it ruined everything. What if Jaemin got distracted. He needed his full attention on his debut and Renjun shouldn’t put him in this position. But that lovesick part of him wanted to just tell him._   
_“I’m in love with you.” Renjun gasped, he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He froze in fear watching Jaemins eyes become wide._   
_“What.” Jaemin quickly brought his hands back to himself as if Renjun had burned him. Renjun felt his breathing quicken, panic flooding his body._   
_“I’m sorry!”He said. “I’m sorry, we can just forget I said anything.” He watched as Jaemin sat there for a few minutes, conflict on his face before he slowly spoke._   
_“Renjun. I-I can’t...I don’t feel the same way.” Heartbreak didn’t describe how he felt. He knew there was a strong possibility of being turned down but he still did it anyway. And now, all he felt was embarrassed and foolish._   
_“Of course. Yeah. I knew there was no way someone like you could love someone like me.”_   
_“Hey, what's that supposed to mean?” Jaemin asked._   
_“You have a huge career ahead of you. You’re gorgeous, sweet, and charming. I’m me..ya know? I’m awkward and snarky.” Renjun said, scoffing at himself._   
_“It’s not- I mean, Renjun you’re beautiful, and yeah you’re snarky but I love that about you. It makes you different from other people, you don’t pretend.”_   
_“You love that but in a friendly way,” Renjun said dejectedly. Tears rushed their way to the corners of his eyes. Traitor tears. He didn’t want Jaemin to see him cry but it hurt so much. He loved Jaemin but what did he expect? For Jaemin to suddenly confess? For him to kiss him? That would never happen._   
_“I’m sorry. I can’t be that guy who says he loves you back in that way. I’m so sorry. You’re my best friend though and I do love you but just not how you want it.” Jaemin said, shifting in his spot, fiddling with his hands. “Ren, please don’t cry.” Renjun reached up, feeling a tear that had fallen down. Jaemin hated seeing him cry but right now all he wanted to do was bawl his eyes out._   
_“I need to go.”_   
_“Renjun!” but Renjun was already heading out the door._

  
Thinking back to that night. It should’ve been obvious he was lying. He’d taken so long before replying to Renjuns confession. Contemplating. He’d even played with his fingers, a telltale sign he was lying but Renjun was so caught up in his heartbreak that he didn’t even notice. A feeling of anger washed over him. Partly at himself for not noticing but partly at the fact of how Jaemin handled the situation afterward. Barely returning his calls or texts over those few months. He knew Jaemin was busy. He was a huge success, everyone loved Jaemin, including Renjun but every time Renjun suggested they catch up, Jaemin would find some excuse to get out of it. All this time Renjun thought it was because he started to hate him. Because he was becoming such a success he decided he didn’t need Renjun anymore but that wasn’t the case at all. He was trying to get over him just as Renjun tried to get over him by leaving the country. Running away instead of trying harder to find out the truth. But what else was he supposed to do? Suffer through loving someone who you knew wouldn’t love you back? He knew how strict the company was especially with new trainees and he knew how impossible it would be for a gay couple to be together in South Korea. It was doomed from the start but this was Jaemins dream. It was all he had ever talked about since even before Renjun knew him. Renjun should have stood by him, understanding the predicament he was in. It wasn’t Jaemins fault that Renjun fell in love with him.  
That night, Renjun didn’t sleep.  
“Babe, you look tired,” Lucas observed, drinking his coffee. Renjun forced a smile on his face, playing with the cereal in his bowl. “What's wrong? And don't tell me that there's nothing wrong. I know you.” Renjun couldn’t tell him. He just needed to forget about Jaemin. This was his life now. If it didn’t work then, it wouldn’t work now. He was better off just forgetting about him.  
“I’m just stressed over work. The one company wants the drafts in by next week.” He lied. Lucas came over and wrapped him tightly in a hug.  
“It’s okay. I know you’ll get through it. You always do.”  
Renjun would just have to get over it. He had to.  
“I gotta work,” Renjun said breaking the hug and putting his dish into the sink. He tried to ignore the dejected look on Lucas’s face as he walked past him.  
“Shit.” He muttered to himself once he was in the office room. Or rather the room he was using as an office. He flopped onto the rolling chair, lightly banging his head on the wooden desk in front of him. “What am I gonna do.” He heard a ping from his phone in his pocket and he was gonna ignore it until it pinged again.. and again.. and again. He groaned, putting in the password to check his messages.

  
**Haechanie~**

_What up biyoch, we gotta hang out soon._

  
_Too forward? Sorry lol Mark always tells me to chill_

  
_Anywaysss if you wanna hang, I’m going out later to shop._

  
_Lmk_

  
Renjun sighed. He forgot he gave Haechan his number last night. Maybe he could use some time to hang out with a friend though. Get away from everything for a bit.  


** Renjun **

_Sure! Sounds good, when and where?_

  
He was surprised when he received a reply back within seconds.

  
** Haechanie~ **

_Don’t worry! I gotchu covered. Send me your address and I’ll have my driver come get you around 3_

  
His driver? Sometimes Renjun forgot he was actually hanging out with celebrities last night and this isn’t just some fever dream. He sent his address and received a thumbs up from Haechan. Well, this should be good.  
He worked for a couple of hours on a design, sketching out the product he envisioned on his iPad. Lucas had left sometime in between then for work, popping in for a moment to say goodbye. He still looked worried when he left and it only made Renjun feel even more guilty. He didn’t want to hurt Lucas but it felt like that was all he was doing. It’s like every time he came to South Korea, everything went to shit. Only this time he was only here for a few days and his life was being turned upside down. He should talk to Lucas but what would he even tell him? Like “Hey, I know we’re dating and all but I can't stop thinking about my ex-best friend slash person I was in love with for years but also guess what? Turns out he loved me too and maybe still does if by our meeting last night was anything to go off of..” Yeah, that sounded really great. Lucas would hate him. Hell, Renjun would hate himself too. Lucas was there for him when he needed him and was there to pick up the pieces that Jaemin made so there shouldn't be any doubt in Renjuns mind that Lucas was the one Renjun should spend the rest of his life with...but what if…  
“Ahhh, I'm driving myself crazy.” He threw his apple pen down on the table and let out a frustrated groan. “I just need to stop. Jaemin is my past. Lucas is my present. End of story.” Now he was talking to himself. Great, he's actually going crazy. Checking the time, he was relieved to see he needed to get ready to go out with Haechan. He quickly dressed in something more presentable and by that he meant a dark purple flannel and a pair of black jeans. Comfort over style was his usual everyday taste which is why he was slightly offended when he’d arrived at perhaps the fanciest mall he’d ever seen and Haechan took one look at him and shook his head.  
“Oh, honey. We need to get you some clothes.” Renjun’s jaw dropped slightly. What was wrong with his clothes? Although seeing everyone else around him, he did feel a bit out of place.  
“Uh, I think I’m good.” He said and apparently that was enough to make Haechan crack up.  
“Trust meee, I know what I’m doing. I’m a fashion influencer after all.” Haechan said, looping his arm in Renjuns. Right, he hadn’t asked him last night what he was famous for but now it made sense. He did have to admit, Haechan had a good sense of fashion. “This way!” Renjun felt himself being dragged off towards a store that looked way over his budget.  
“I can’t feel my arms!” Renjun complained. Bags lined his arms however most of them weren't even his. Haechan had a couple of bags in his hands. This boy could shop.  
“Renjunnie, that’s the whole point of the expression ‘shop till you drop’ don’t worry, we’re almost done.”  
“But I think I’m really about to drop,” Renjun said, worried about the strain his arms were feeling. Haechan huffed but gave in to the puppy dog eyes Renjun threw at him.  
“Ugh, fine. Lets..go sit over there.” Haechan pulled him towards a healthy-looking juice bar where tables were set up. “You sit here. I’ll go grab us a drink. On me, since I invited you out.” Renjun nodded, finally feeling free once he dropped the bags on the ground. He cringed at the slight indents under his flannel on his arms. He had only bought a few things, Haechan approved, that was in his budget. Haechan had offered to pay for him but Renjun didn’t like the idea of having his new friend buy him stuff plus he genuinely wanted to be friends with the boy, not his money. Renjun was checking the time on his phone seeing it was getting late when he saw a message from Lucas pop up.

  
** LuLu ♡ **

_Hey, babe. I’m gonna order out for dinner, want anything?_

  
** Renjun **

_Ooh, surprise me!_

  
** LuLu ♡ **

_;) surprised you shall be haha love youu_

  
**Renjun**

_Love you too_

  
“Okay, what's wrong? You’ve been sad the entire time we’ve been here. Did I do something?” Renjun jumped at the voice across from him. Renjun didn’t even hear Haechan come back.  
“No, you did nothing wrong. I’m just going through my own troubles right now.” Renjun said.  
“Do you wanna talk about it? It might help. I mean, I know we don’t know each other that well but I would like to be good friends with you.” Haechan grinned, sipping his drink that was very pink.  
“N-” He cut himself off for a moment, taking a deep breath. “I just..it's hard to explain.”  
“Well lucky for you, I’m a good listener. Here's your drink, by the way, I thought you would like something more..green.” Haechan slid a cup on the table towards him.  
“Thank you.” Renjun contemplated for a moment on whether he should tell him. He didn't wanna make a bad impression but maybe having a second opinion would be helpful. “I love Lucas.”  
“Okay?” Haechan dragged out the word in confusion, waiting for him to elaborate.  
“I love Lucas but I think maybe a part of me never stopped loving someone else. Someone I loved a long time ago who just suddenly came back into my life and now I feel like a horrible person because I shouldn’t have any feelings for this other person. I mean, he hurt me so many years ago and I barely even know him now. He's practically a stranger to me now so why do I feel like this. Lucas has always been there for me and I would be betraying him by choosing anyone else over him.” Renjun unloaded. Haechan blinked at him before leaning forward.  
“You can love two people at the same time. It happens and just because you do, doesn’t mean you love one less than the other. I get why you’re confused but maybe you should talk things out with Lucas. He seems like an easy going guy, I’m sure he’d work things out with you.” Haechan said and Renjun was amazed by how smart he sounded. He was right.  
“I know I should, but am I overthinking it? I mean, maybe Jaemin doesn’t even want to see me after last night.” Renjuns words seemed to set off a lightbulb in Haechans head.  
“Jaemin? Na Jaemin, is that who you’re talking about?” Renjun covered his face with his hands to muffle his words.  
“Yes.” Haechan let out a low whistle.  
“Wow, I gotta give it to ya. Jaemins a heartbreaker. I’ve worked with him multiple times, styling him for comebacks and let me tell you, the amount of girls and boys he’s turned down. It’s sad really, he's so pretty.” Haechan said, frowning. Renjun froze for a moment.  
“Wait. Has he dated at all in the time you’ve known him?” Haechan laughed at Renjuns words, his whole body shaking.  
“Him? Date? His dating ban has been up for four years now and he’s never once even looked twice at anyone else. I mean he’s hella flirty unintentionally so people always think they have a chance but then he shuts them down so quickly. It’s like he hates the idea of dating but now that I know what you’re telling me..maybe there's more to it.” Renjun was having a hard time processing the words he was hearing. Jaemin hadn’t dated even once? Was that why he looked so sad when he heard Renjun had a boyfriend? Maybe it was possible he really did still have feelings for him.  
“Ugh, this doesn’t even matter. I’m never gonna see him again plus he’s probably mad at me. I kindaa told him off last night.” Haechan suddenly tsk sound, pulling out a paper and pen from his bag writing something down.  
“There. Now you can call him.”  
“What!” Renjun stared down at the piece of paper Haechan gave him. There on it was Jaemins phone number. “No, I’m not doing it. I don’t wanna see him. I-I can’t. I have Lucas.”  
“Renjun, sweetie. Try getting to know the boy again. From a friend level first, and see if you still feel the same way you did all those years ago.”  
“And if I do?”  
“Then you talk things out with him and Lucas like adults.”  
Haechan was right and he was glad to have a friend like him who was supportive. That night, he put the phone number in his wallet and kept it there. He promised himself, he’d call him soon.


	4. Chapter 4 - Cycles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Renjuns an emotional mess in these guys. He's also very confused about his feelings but things start to become clearer towards the end. Things will work out the way they've needed for years now.  
> The next chapter will have a lot of interactions between Jaemin and Renjun, finally!!  
> Also, Lucas is the real MVP~

“No. I’m not doing it,” Renjun told himself. He sat cross-legged on the bed, the piece of paper in front of him. It had been a couple of days after he’d gotten the number but instead of calling, he’d thrown himself in work and spending time with Lucas. “Not doing it.” The numbers stared at him, drawing him in. Renjun got up, ready to crumple the number, and throw it in the trash when he heard the doorbell ringing incessantly. Renjun hurried to grab the door ready to yell at whoever was bothering him.  
“Wh-Haechan? Mark? What are you guys doing here?” Mark gave a sheepish smile.  
“I’m sorry to bother you. Haechan insisted we drop by.”  
“Why haven’t you called him?” Haechan said, making his way past Renjun inside the apartment, Mark trailing along.  
“How do you know?” Renjun asked, incredulous.  
“I didn't. But now I do.” Haechan grinned, getting comfortable on the couch.  
“Babe, maybe Renjun doesn’t wanna call him,” Mark whined, sounding embarrassed. He tried to grab onto Haechan to lightly tug him to get up but Haechan rolled his eyes and yanked Mark down next to him.  
“Wait, did you tell him?” Renjun asked, walking closer to them.  
“Of course not, I just told him you needed to call the love of your life but you don’t seem to want to.” The love of his life. The very thought made Renjuns head spin.  
“I have a boyfriend. It's not gonna happen.”  
“I’m confused,” Mark said, trying to understand the situation.  
“Good.” Both Haechan and Renjun said to him. Mark huffed before sitting back, seemingly giving up trying to figure out what they were talking about.  
“Call him.”  
“No.”  
“Do it.”  
“No.”  
“Why are you being so stubborn, just call him and ask to meet up,” Haechan said, frustrated.  
“Haechan, I swear-what are you doing?” Renjuns' heart leaped into his chest as he saw Haechan pulling his phone out and dialing something. Haechan simply smiled, putting the phone on speaker. Renjun gave a ‘help’ look at Mark who put his hands up in surrender, mouthing a sorry. Renjun groaned but he couldn’t blame Mark for not wanting to get involved.  
“Hello?” Renjuns breath caught in his throat. Hearing Jaemin's voice again was difficult. He wanted to hear more of it but at the same time, he just wanted to forget the sound.  
“Jaeminie! Long time no talk. You should call me more often.” Haechan said excitedly.  
“Yeah, of course. I’ll definitely try. I’ve been working on some new songs recently so I’ve been busy.” Jaemin said. Renjun heard some random shuffling on the other end. Did they disturb him in the middle of working?  
“Ooh, music huh? You know who would love to help you?” Haechan smirked at Renjun who finally understood what he was doing.  
“No!” Renjun whisper shouted, starting to lunge for the phone in his hands and almost knocking into Mark who started to move away from the danger zone. Haechan cackled, pulling the phone away from him.  
“My friend Renjun would love to help you out.” It was like a pin dropped the moment Haechan mentioned Renjun. It got completely silent on both ends of the conversation. Renjun felt his heart drop to his stomach and his spine tingle in fear. Jaemin was probably mad over their last conversation still. Renjun had been nothing but harsh towards him so it was understandable. Renjun could hear Jaemin clear his throat before speaking quietly. Well, maybe he would think Haechan meant a different person named Renjun. He internally smacked himself in the head. How many Renjuns could possibly live in South Korea?  
“Renjun? You know him?”  
“Of course! Oh look, here he is.” The phone was thrust into Renjuns hands and it was almost comical how wide his eyes became. He mouthed a “What are you doing?” frantically to Haechan who gave him a thumbs up.  
“You got this.” He whispered, shooing him to take the conversation to a different room so he could talk in private. He huffed but went to his bedroom and sat on the bed.  
“Renjun? You there?” Jaemin asked, waiting.  
“Um, hi.” He said, hearing a small hitch in Jaemins breathing.  
“Listen. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please, just know that. You can hate me as much as you want. I don’t blame you, I should have been honest and I should never have ever pushed you away. You were my best friend, Renjun.” Renjun swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling the tightness in it. It was hard to hear him again. God, he just wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be. He wanted his best friend back so badly.  
“Jaemin..the past is what it is. We can’t change that and I mean..hell, we were teenagers. We didn’t know any better but that's what's so great about growing up. We’re adults now and you know, I-I held onto this grudge of hatred for you for so long but when I really think about it, I never hated you, maybe your actions but never you. I hated myself for giving up so easily. I hated the fact that life never gave us a chance. It was like all the odds were stacked against us. I never even got to tell you how proud I was that you achieved your dreams.” Renjuns voice broke at the end as a sob came out.  
“Injun, hey. It’s okay, don't cry. Please. Maybe we should meet up and retry this friendship thing.” Renjun almost cried harder at the name Jaemin called him. It had been too long since he’d heard anyone refer to him by his Korean name. Jaemin especially loved to call him that because not many ever did so it was special for them.  
“I would really like that,” Renjun replied after a moment once his tears slowed.  
“Are you free tomorrow? We could get coffee and just talk.” Renjun smiled softly before saying yes. “Great. Give me your number and I’ll text you.” He gave Jaemin his number. They hung up after saying goodbye and Jaemin promising to text him soon. It was like a weight was lifted off of Renjuns shoulders. He felt drained because of his crying but it felt therapeutic. Like, he was releasing everything he’d had built up for years and finally let himself feel again.  
“Here's your phone back.” Renjun went back into the living room, making a disgusted face as he saw Haechan giving Mark small pecks on the lips, giggling.  
“Oh, your back! How’d it go?” Haechan said, taking his phone.  
“Terrible. He said he never wants to see me again.” Renjun deadpanned. Haechan's jaw dropped as he spluttered out a response.  
“A-are you sure? Maybe you misheard him. How’d he say it?” Renjun tried to keep a straight face but he couldn’t help but let out a huge laugh, dropping next to the boys on the couch.  
“Oh man, you should have seen your face!” He said, pointing at Haechan.  
“That was mean,” Haechan whined, pouting.  
“You did deserve it though for calling him like that.”  
“Okay, maybee a little. But what happened?” Haechan grabbed Renjun's hands excitedly. Renjun rolled his eyes playfully, muttering out his response nonchalantly.  
“We’re gonna meet up and talk,” Haechan yelled out a noise of happiness, lightly hitting Mark's shoulders.  
“I told you it was a good idea!” He said as Mark gave a small laugh trying to calm him down.  
Renjun sighed lightly, watching them. Maybe one day, he and Jaemin could get back to that. Being playful and carefree. The more he thought about it, the more he longed for it. Damn, he really needed to talk to Lucas and soon.  
He waited till Haechan and Mark had left, telling them to come to visit again soon as long as it didn’t involve calling up his ex-best friends. He knew Lucas would be home within an hour or so, meaning he needed to figure out how he would explain the situation. He didn’t wanna lie to his boyfriend so he had to be honest but part of him wasn't even able, to be honest with himself. He decided to get busy reading a book to take his mind off of the pressing matter at hand. A distraction so to speak.  
He didn't even realize that he’d fallen asleep curled up on the couch until a blanket was pulled over him gently. He awoke with a start, the book falling out of his hands and hitting the ground with a small thump.  
“Lucas.” He breathed, seeing his boyfriend bent down, still partly holding the blanket.  
“Hey, baby. Go back to sleep, you look tired.” Did he? He hadn't been sleeping well so it probably made sense.  
“I can’t..babe. I gotta tell you something.” He sat up more, pulling Lucas down next to him. God, his hands were getting clammy. Why was he so nervous? The fear of losing Lucas made this ten times worse. There was no way Lucas would be okay with what he was about to tell him. Right? But if he didn't explain his mess of emotions, he'd feel wrong. Renjun didn't even understand his feelings but he knew that he wanted to at least rekindle his friendship with Jaemin and another repressed part of him wanted to see if there's something more there. Not telling Lucas was out of the equation. Especially when his guilt was beginning to eat him up inside.  
“Hey, what is it? You can tell me, I won’t be upset.” Renjun put his head in his hands, groaning. He wasn't so sure about that last part.  
“I don’t know how to tell you.” He cut off, squeezing his eyes tightly closed. He felt shifting beside him as Lucas came closer and wrapped a supportive arm around his shoulders.  
“Please don’t hate me. You’ve been there for me and before we started dating, we were such great friends. I mean, I don't ever want to lose you from my life. You know, you were my first boyfriend and I love you. I really do but..”  
“Oh.. It's finally here.” Lucas breathed out, his tone somber.  
“What?”  
“Babe-Renjun. I've been waiting for the day you finally realized it. I know you love me but I also know you’ll never love me like the way I love you. Because even through the two years we’ve been together, I’ve always felt like you never got over him. I could feel it even before we got together and part of me was selfish enough to pretend to not see it because I liked you so much. I even pushed you into dating me because I wanted you to like me that way. I guess it was bound to come up sooner or later though huh.” Renjun was floored. Completely speechless as his jaw fell open.  
“H-how do you even know it was Jaemin?” He asked, trying to process what he just heard.  
“He hurt you but you always kept a special place in your heart for him and I knew there was no space in there for me. Plus, you kept those pictures of you two in that box you hid in your side of the closet.” Lucas said, giving a small smile. “You won’t lose me though. We’ll always be friends. I promise.” He held out his pinky making Renjun laugh but looped his own pinky around Lucas’s.  
“So I guess this is it?” Renjun asked, softly glancing up at Lucas. Lucas grabbed him into a hug, his arms holding onto Renjun tightly.  
“Maybe for our relationship but never for our friendship. Tell Jaemin he better treat you right or I’m gonna beat his ass. I’m sure I could take him.” Renjun giggled, pressing his face closer, breathing in Lucas’s scent that always calmed him.  
“You’re such a good person. I wish I could have been the one for you but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I hope one day, you find someone who can love you unconditionally.” He spoke honestly. Lucas cradled the back of Renjun's head, resting his cheek on top.  
“It's gonna be alright. Besides Tens been asking me when I'm coming back, I think he misses me. Maybe I’ll head back early. I mean Koreas great and all but it's not for me. You, however, fit here perfectly.” He said to Renjun.  
“I might stay here for a bit after my work is done. I'm gonna miss having you around though. Promise me you'll keep in touch.”  
“Always.”  
Bye, my first...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you guys realized the title wasn't about Jaemin yet? It was about Lucas because he was Renjun's first boyfriend. I feel bad for making Lucas and his break up but it's for the better in the long run! You can't be with someone whose heart still belongs to another and now Lucas can move on and hopefully find someone that can take the time to truly invest their love in him :)  
> Thank you to everyone whos reading! I appreciate it so much! As always, kudos and comments are appreciated. Love ya'll!


	5. Chapter 4 - Hello, My last...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you to everyone reading! This is the last official chapter. I was gonna plan on writing more but it just naturally ended. It felt right to end it this way but I tried to capture the aspect of their relationship with each other as best as I could. There will be an epilogue though! Just to show them in the future~

Renjun tapped nervously on the table in front of him. He was about two seconds from getting up and leaving. The cafe was bustling with people. People were either typing away on their laptops, chatting with friends, or waiting for their coffee. Renjun almost left the moment he walked in and saw how crowded it was but he forced himself to step inside and find a table which was harder than he thought. He managed to find a back corner next to the window which was fine with him because it gave him a sense of privacy.  
Renjun glanced down at his watch, seeing he’d been waiting for almost twenty minutes. He knew he’d shown up early out of nervousness but Jaemin was late by five minutes or so and with each minute that passed, his will to stay got smaller. He sighed before starting to stand. He couldn't do this.  
“Renjun!” He whipped his head over to see an out of breath Jaemin rushing towards him. Renjun felt his breath come to a halt as his eyes settled onto the face he’d known for years. Now that he fully had a chance to look at him, he couldn't help but notice just how beautiful Jaemin was. He’d grown up so well. His face was mature now, jawline more defined and he had grown out of the baby fat that he used to have. Even his body was different, taller, and broader but still delicate and graceful in away.  
“Hi,” Renjun muttered as Jaemin came closer.  
“Hey! I’m sorry I’m a bit late. My photoshoot ended later than expected.” Right, this was Jaemin the idol. Not the Jaemin who was chasing his dreams. This Jaemin didn't need to worry about that.  
“No worries.” Renjun slowly eased himself back down into his seat as Jaemin took the one across from him.  
“Were you going somewhere?” A look of confusion washed over Renjun until he remembered the brief moment he was going to leave.  
“Uh..no.” Great, now he knows you’re lying, Renjun thought to himself. It wasn't exactly subtle how nervous he was and the awkward silence that hung in the air did not seem to be helping. No one said anything for a few moments, just them lost within their thoughts. Renjun bit his lip, glancing out the window trying to find anything to look at that wasn’t Jaemin's gaze that was unfortunately wavering.  
“Hi, I’m Jaemin.” Jaemin reached across the table waiting for Renjun to shake his hand. Renjuns eyes flitted from the window to his hand, his face showing obvious confusion. “And you are?” Jaemin prompted.  
“Renjun.” He hesitantly shook the outstretched hand. A smile spread across Jaemin's face, making the sun look inferior to how bright he looked.  
“Nice to meet you, Renjun. So what do you do?”  
They talked for almost two hours straight, playing a game like they were strangers and oddly it put Renjun at ease. He felt himself relaxing little by little, his shoulders becoming less tense and he actually answered questions about himself.  
“Well, I’m sure you must enjoy your life as an idol,” Renjun said, taking a small sip from his coffee, blanching slightly when he realized how cold it had gotten.  
“Trust me, it's not all that. My entire life is built on a fantasy. I show people what they want to see but I never get to show them who I am because they wouldn't like that person. They want Na Jaemin, the heartbreaker. The guy who's handsome and cool. Someone they can pretend is their boyfriend. Honestly, it's exhausting.” Jaemin said quietly, stirring his drink with his straw slowly.  
“Oh, I guess I never thought about it that way.” Renjun had always assumed that Jaemin was completely happy with his life. He’d seen some interviews from a few years ago and based on that he never would have imagined that there was a part of him that was suffering on the inside.  
“Don’t get me wrong. I love music. Always have. For me, there’s nothing better than the rush that comes with performing in front of thousands of people but..sometimes..it's hard.” Jaemin suddenly stopped talking and sighed. He hadn't once looked up at Renjun almost as if he was ashamed to let him see that vulnerable side of himself. Renjun felt his heart ache. Before he realized it, he was reaching over the table and placing a comforting hand over top of Jaemins that rested atop the table. Jaemin jumped slightly, his eyes meeting Renjuns in shock. Renjun himself was almost shocked by how quickly he’d broken their strangers' meeting facade but he couldn't help it. It was like he was drawn to Jaemin like a moth to a flame and it was in that moment that he knew everything would be okay between them.  
“It’s okay. I’m here now.” And maybe that was all that Jaemin needed to hear if the slightly glossy look in his eyes was anything to go by. 

*One Month Later* 

Years ago, Renjun was mad at the world. He remembers how angry he was at himself, at Jaemin, at the Idol industry, at everything. That bitterness only grew into hurt and disappointment as he got older. He thought that he’d moved on from his life in Korea but really when he thinks about it, he only deluded himself by running away. Living a life back home allowed him to forget and bury those emotions deep down but he’d never properly faced his feelings. Talking with Jaemin again years later was almost therapeutic. Meeting up at different places, talking, and sharing old memories between them, it felt perfect. In that time, Renjun had never felt so at ease. Everything with Jaemin was easy. He’d never smiled so much as Lucas pointed out one time when they were face timing. Lucas, of course, had gone back to China but everything was okay between them. In fact, it was nice for them to be apart. It kind of put their feelings into perspective and suddenly everything Lucas had said on the night of their breakup made sense. He loved Lucas but more in a “You’re one of my greatest friends” type way and even Lucas had said that he felt they were better off as friends. Jaemin had felt bad, thinking he had done something to ruin the relationship but Renjun reassured him it was bound to happen sooner or later. So yeah, things were going pretty well and if Renjun let those hidden feelings he’d felt all those years ago come back to the surface, that was nobody else's business. But like all things, nothing was perfect and one night Renjun finally got a true glimpse into Jaemin's life. The life he previously thought was perfect. Jaemin had invited him to an interview he had to do, just to support him and watch from the sidelines. At first, Renjun was hesitant because the idol life was a bit of a touchy subject between them but he thought back to their conversation at the cafe that one time and decided he wanted to see for himself just how different the idol Jaemin was compared to his best friend Jaemin. Things were going fine for the first few minutes of the interview, Jaemin was smiling and turning up the charm for the interviewer, answering all of her questions with ease. It was weird because when it was just the two of them, Jaemin was more genuine, in the way that you could see that when he laughed, it wasn't for anyone else but rather because he actually found something funny. He wasn’t worried about saying the wrong thing or trying to be alluring to his fans. He was just him. That same person Renjun fell in love with years ago.  
“Okay, so we have some of your fans here commenting. Let's check some of them out, you can pick a few to answer.” The sound of the interviewer speaking brought Renjun out from his thoughts, watching as the woman gestured towards a tv screen with comments floating in a mile a minute. Jaemin turned a bit in his chair, trying to read some of the comments that were written. At first, Renjun was reading the comments and he was able to catch a few that were sweet, saying things like “Thank you for the good music.” and “I love you!” but then there was suddenly an influx of a few comments saying things like “You’re so annoying, why don't you quit the music industry.” and “You can't even sing.” Renjun knew Jaemin had read the comments by the brief moment the corners of his lips fell into a frown but just as quickly as his face fell, it was covered by his bright persona.  
“Oh here's a good one! Jaemin what's your favorite concept?” He read aloud, pausing to think. “Um, I think you guys seem to like my sexy concepts so probably those.” Renjun noticed that when he answered, it wasn't his own opinion but rather what the fans liked. He couldn't help but feel angry. Not at Jaemin but rather the fans because of how they expected it from him. They didn't want honesty. They wanted what made them happy instead of what made Jaemin happy and knowing that really hurt Renjun because Jaemin was such a great person without his persona and the world should see that. A lot of comments agreed with his words but again, more hate comments persisted. It was to the point that it was getting hard for Jaemin to find any actual questions. Renjun furrowed his eyebrows worriedly, wanting to reach out and give a comforting hug to Jaemin. Renjun saw the camera crew gesture towards the interviewer to wrap up the interview.  
“Let’s move on! Lots of great comments guys, keep it up. We’re gonna ask one last question and then we’ll end it there. I’m sure Jaemin is a very busy man.” The woman said quickly, going to her cue cards. Renjun could feel the heaviness in the pit of his stomach seeing Jaemin doing his best to appear unaffected by the comments but he could see him tapping his fingers on the arm of the chair, something he did since they were young when he was nervous or worried about something. When the interview was finally over and the crew called cut, Renjun immediately walked towards Jaemin.  
“Hey..” Renjun reached out supportively to rub Jaemin’s back in small circles. “You wanna talk about it?” He knew better than to ask if he's okay, he clearly wasn't. Who would be?  
“It's fine, it happens ya know?” Jaemin said stiffly as they headed towards the next room where their belongings were. Renjun sighed, thinking for a moment. He hated seeing him close up and push him away. Yeah, it's been only a few weeks since they’d been back in each other's lives but that didn't mean that all those years of friendship went to waste.  
“Come on.” Renjun dragged Jaemin towards the bathroom. Jaemin let out a startled noise as he was pushed into the room. Renjun checked the stalls and was relieved to see them empty, then quickly locked the main door. He looked up to see Jaemin leaning against the countertop with his head hanging low. “Jaemin…” Walking over, he cupped his cheek, lifting his head slightly. His heart broke at the sight of silent tears falling from the corners of his eyes. His thumb swiped over some of them gently. “I’m here now. You don’t have to do this by yourself anymore. You don't always have to be strong in front of others. Let me in.” Renjun whispered. A broken sob fell from Jaemin's lips. Renjun quickly brought him into a hug, cradling Jaemins head resting on his neck. “I’m not gonna leave you again. I’m gonna be here for you just like I should have all those years ago. I am so sorry.” Renjun could feel the dampness at his collar where Jaemin’s tears fell but he couldn't even be bothered to care. All he wanted to do was console him. It was like the protective side of himself was awakened and wanted to shield his best friend from harm.  
“I just..I try so hard to be what they want and they still hate me.” Jaemin murmured so quietly, Renjun almost didn't hear him.  
“Oh, nana...life isn't about pleasing others. Yeah, maybe idol life is but your life is for you to live and you need to just be who you are. If your fans can't be happy with that then were they ever really a fan of you? There's always gonna be people who hate and it’s gonna hurt but remember that for every hater, there's another person who loves you.” Renjun replied, stroking Jaemin’s hair. “And if nothing else, remember that I love you.” He admits, closing his eyes tightly, feeling Jaemin freeze in his arms.  
“You love me?” Jaemin's arms tightened around Renjun’s waist, holding his breath.  
“Yeah, I do. I am in love with you, Na Jaemin. I have been since I was a teenager and I always will.” Renjun smiled softly. Jaemin pulled back to look Renjun directly in the eyes like he was searching for something. It seemed like he found what he was looking for because the most beautiful smile lit up his face.  
“God, I’m in love with you too. I don't think I ever stopped.” Before Renjun could even reply, he felt a soft pair of lips connect with his. It was a simple sweet kiss but to Renjun, it was everything he ever dreamed of. They pulled back after a moment, grinning at each other.  
“Can you say it again?” Jaemin asked. Renjun playfully rolled his eyes.  
“I love you.” He said, pulling him back down to kiss him again.  
Life had a funny way of working out. He never thought that he would’ve rekindled his friendship with his best friend, nor did he ever expect to utter the words “I love you” to Jaemin and have his love accepted full-heartedly by the other unlike all those years ago but everything just felt so right. Yeah, it took quite a long time for things to work out but they eventually did and that's all that matters. Jaemin wasn’t his first boyfriend like he’d hoped but he was his first love and hopefully his last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for reading! I appreciate all of you so much! Stay tuned for the epilogue! Much Love.


	6. Epilogue - True Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heres the epilogue guys! It's completely over now~ Thank you for sticking with me, I'm gonna miss this storyline. Enjoy!

*Three Years Later* 

“You’re welcome.” Haechan sang, plopping down on the lounge chair next to Renjun who was relaxing by the pool. His hair was dripping into his eyes as he wrapped a towel around his shoulders.  
“Huh?” Renjun asked confused, taking his eyes away from the group of people playing in the pool.   
“You and Jaemin have been together for three years now,” Haechan said. Renjun smiles softly, remembering that their anniversary was a couple of days ago which is why they were holding a pool party slash get together with their friends at their house today. “If it weren't for me, you might never have gotten yourself together,” Haechan added, grinning.   
“Thank you, Haechannie. I know I don't say it enough but you’re a great friend.” Renjun replied, sitting up and feeling the hot air around them hit his back. He glanced back over to their friends in the pool seeing Jaemin splashing around happily with them, laughing. It was such a beautiful summer night with the sun setting. It was almost like a scene out of a movie.   
“Aw, you’re so cute.” Haechan grinned. “You’re a great friend too.”   
“Hey! Guess who's here!” Renjun jumped up at the sound of the familiar voice, turning towards the back sliding doors.   
“Lucas! Ten! Oh my god, you made it.” He hadn't been sure if they would be able to make the pool party. They still lived in China but they tried to visit every now and then. He rushed up to Lucas, giving him a big hug before giving one to Ten as well.   
“The flight took a little longer than expected but we got here,” Lucas said excitedly.   
“It's so great to see you guys,” Renjun told them.   
“I've really missed Korea. Oh, is that YangYang? I'm gonna go say hi.” Ten said, reaching up to peck Lucas on the lips before heading over to the pool. Renjun was so happy for the two. Lucas admitted around two years ago that he and Ten decided to try things out between them and it had been going strong ever since. He could see how happy they made each other and couldn’t imagine them with anyone else.   
“So what's new with you?” Renjun asked, bringing him over towards the lounge chairs. Lucas gave a greeting to Haechan who grinned and waved, laying back on his chair to relax.   
“Nothing much. I got a promise ring for Ten. I haven't shown it to him yet and I know marriage isn’t legal for us but it's a promise for us in our own way.”   
“Nothing much? Lucas that's huge. I'm so happy for you guys!” Renjun squealed quietly so Ten wouldn't hear them. Lucas smiled in response.   
“Hey, Lucas.” They both looked over to see Jaemin coming out of the pool, dragging a line of water in his path as he walked up to them. At first, it used to be a bit awkward whenever they were around each other but eventually, they warmed up to one another and found that they had a lot in common.   
“Hey, man!” Lucas got up to give a small hug to Jaemin. They talked for a few moments before Lucas decided to go sit by Ten. Jaemin smiled mischievously at Renjun for a moment.   
“What?” Renjun asked, not liking the plotting he knew Jaemin was doing.   
“Oh, nothing…” Jaemin said before lunging forward and scooping Renjun up and over his shoulder.  
“Hey!” Renjun protested, laughing. “Put me down. Haechan, help me!” Haechan simply cackled. He lightly smacked Jaemin’s back playfully before the world was spinning and he was submerged in water. Spluttering, he came up for air. Renjun pushed his hair out his face, keeping himself afloat. Jaemin pulled him close to his body in the water, staring into his eyes, smiling. Ever since Jaemin quit being an idol around a two and a half years ago, he’d been so much brighter. You could see it in his face, hear it in his words. It was like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. It had been his choice to end his career, deciding he wanted to teach children in the future and enrolled in an online college. Everyone was shocked hearing he wanted to leave the industry. A lot of fans were mad and upset but Jaemin was finally doing something for himself without worrying what they thought and even Jaemin himself says it was the second-best choice he ever made. His first being falling in love with Renjun. The sap.   
“I love you.” Jaemin murmured like it was just the two of them. Renjun felt his grin widen.   
“I love you too.”   
“I’m so happy, ya know? Everything feels perfect. This is everything I could’ve ever wanted in life.” Renjun was overwhelmed with the emotions he felt for Jaemin but knew he never wanted to let this moment go. Not ever.   
“Me too.”


End file.
